Did you know that Barry Bonds allegedly used Hank Aaron's corked bat to crack the Liberty Bell? Or that Michael Vick used the proceeds from the sale of stolen dogs to purchase missiles from Iran? How about that the International Space Station is actually a trailer bought from a Miami Winnebago dealership for $1,200?

All of these "facts" come according a host of lawsuits filed by Jonathan Lee Riches, an inmate of a federal prison in Salters, South Carolina. Since he was incarcerated in 2003 after pleading guilty to wire fraud and conspiracy charges as part of an identity theft ring, Riches has filed some 1,500 lawsuits, including more than 500 in federal district courts, naming any and every person, place or concept that has ever crossed his mind. His surreal, handwritten filings are a virtual who's-who and what's-what journey through every conceivable corner of pop culture. The named defendants in one complaint stretched on for 57 pages, which included President George W. Bush, Steven Spielberg, the Holy Grail, NASCAR, the Roman Empire, Marco Polo, the King James Bible, Vanna White, the Appalachian Trail, the 2005 Philadelphia Eagles, Mount Rushmore, the planet of Pluto, the Olsen twins and the World Wide Web. Oh, and of course, Kevin Bacon.

But really who can blame him? According to his various complaints, Riches has had his sideburns stolen from him by Elvis Presley, his larynx taken from him by Milli Vanilli look-alikes under orders from country singer Carrie Underwood, been forced into slave labor on the moon and at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, had half his brain stolen and sold on eBay for a mere $4,275, and been the focus of a plot masterminded by Unabomber Ted Kaczynski and all the Teds in the world, including Ted Kennedy, Ted Bundy, Ted Turner, Bill and Ted, Ted Nugent, teddy bears, and Teddy Ruxspin, to further cause him injury.

Riches generally does not advocate a slap on the wrist for these defendants either. He sued alleged arms dealer and identity thief Michael Vick for "$63,000,000,000 billion" for the stolen dog incident and another $662 trillion in "British gold" for trying to kidnap Riches' mind. The federal judicial system, U.S. marshals and, strangely enough, Tiger Woods were potentially on the hook for $213 trillion for stealing Riches identity and selling it to Google. Meanwhile, for selling military secrets on eBay and creating the SARS virus, the U.S. military was only sued for 78 cents. Go figure.

These suits make for comical reading, but they are not as harmless as they seem. For court personnel, the very mention of Riches' name probably elicits weary sighs. For every complaint he files, court workers must process the paperwork, which requires about an hour of work per document for an administrator, law clerk and judge.

Considering that Riches files hundreds of complaints each month, this has become quite a burden. Many courts are trying to find ways to screen his complaints, and the U.S. District Court in northern Georgia estimates that since Riches does not pay the $350 filing fee, the court has lost out on over $100,000 in revenue, not to mention all the time that could have been better spent processing legitimate cases. These frivolous cases may certainly be worth a laugh to Riches, but the legal system is increasingly failing to get the joke.



Morgan O'Rourke is editor in chief of Risk Management.